bad ads
This was a year,
obviously, of terrible hostility in the political world, and one feels that it
certainly might have spilled over to the several very ugly ads that I note
below. If nothing else, this was not a nice community, even for those formerly
friendly figures such as “Mr. Peanut” and “Flo” of the Geico world. Insurance
companies and cable providers were particularly unpleasant in their
relationships to their would-be customers.
time-warner cable
Two
unattractive males stand over a kitchen counter while their wives in the
background are involved at the kitchen table in deep and a rather animated conversation.
The two men, clearly uncomfortable with male communication or even male
comradeship, look to the phone and begin a brief discussion about the wonders
of each of their phone services, sparring with one other about the marvel of
their telephonic reaches until they finally realize they both have the same
server: Time Warner Cable. Having come to that marvelous realization—the only
thing have been able to find that they have in common—the guest asks of their
wives: “Are they wrapping it up?” “Nope,” the other replies, the two clueless
males being left without anything to further talk about. The End.
sunsetter
A delighted
suburban couple enthuse over the fact that despite the intolerable heat of
their terraces, with the installation of the SunSetter retractable cover,
priced at only $700 dollars, but now available for a much lower price, has
saved their lives. They can sit out in the hot sun with temperatures much lower
than previously (we are never told in what climates they live or how high the
outside temperatures remain), barbecue and even entertain under the roll-down
and up umbrella of protection. Obviously, there is not a tree in sight of their
neighborhood, but life is simply now much better—and much less expensive than
anyone might imagine! Yet, given their testimonies, we can only imagine how hot
the temperatures around them might still remain, and we look carefully to their
brows to see if they are truly enjoying their small tent-like domains. And, we
can only wonder, what happens to the barbecue flames lit up under the seemingly
quite flammable cover. “Stay cooler” they shout out, as if to counter any
notion of global warming!
suburu
Despite
childhood attacks of their parent’s car with arrows, bicycle falls, chemical
spills, wet dog entries and exits, along with the other wear and tear that any
family car may suffer, Suburu, we are most told by a most friendly voice, has
the highest resell value—an ad that seemingly ignores not only all the dings
and bats the car might have received, but its smells and the daily ignominies
of everyday living. Even if it sells, why would I ever want such a worn-out
vehicle, particularly if they are selling it at a higher price than others?
time-warner cable
A
man on a stage shouts out, again and again, in a kind of inspirational message
that people can change, particularly since Time-Warner Cable has made a change
in telling people precisely when they will appear to fix and change their cable
networks. The man shouts as if he were a born-again preacher, the audience
blindly following him like he were revealing something important to them that
might actually effect their future lives, reminding me a bit of Trump’s
supposedly “spell-binding” message.
liberty auto insurance
A
black couple who have a perfect driving record discuss how when they have a
sudden accident—whether they have or have not had such an accident yet is indeterminable—that
they have no benefits for their “prefect record,” indeed they are charged far
more for having such a record. If they had “liberty” insurance, evidently, they
might be allowed a one-time exception. Their conversation seems to center around
the words “perfect” “anything” and “nothing.”
time-warner cable
A
couple attempting to sell their house return home to discover their neighbors
comfortably sitting in their living room, enjoying all the privileges of their
Time-Warner Wi-Fi coverage. The poor real-estate agent is beside herself with
the frustration of the selfish neighbors who are delightfully taking advantage
of their neighbor’s wonderful reception. One wonders, as they wander in and out
of the kitchen, preparing themselves snacks, whether they might ever again
leave. Presumably the couple might even be convinced to remain in their
well-connected domain.
time-warner cable
A
clearly angry airport worker, tossing her customer’s bags upon the cart which
will take them to the belly of the airplane, throws them about, even allowing
some of them to open and spill their contents onto the tarmac. But suddenly
when she hears of Time-Warner’s change (it’s hard to know where she hears this
news—maybe in her earphone) in their scheduling procedures, she suddenly comes
awake, determining, like the cable company, to change her behavior. She takes a
single suitcase and lovingly places it upon the cart, evidently leaving all the
others to be destroyed by other, unknowing workers—or perhaps not even loaded.
affordable energy
More
abundant energy needs more affordable energy. I’m Rick and I support affordable
energy—presumably the energy that helps to create global warming and all the
other things that destroy our atmosphere. Good for you Rick! I admire your
cover up of what you’re truly saying!
I’m
Rebecca and I’m Andy, goes another ad. Join us to support affordable energy.
Meaning coal, fracking, oil-wells, and smokestacks I presume. They don’t bother
to make that clear.
hartford insurance company
Perhaps the nastiest series of TV adds
this season was from Hartford Insurance Company, which suggested that a certain
warehouse could easily send harmful productions, if ordered, to small
businesses. One suggested that with a simple order one might request a device
to increase the local pizza-warm up to such a high degree that it would cause a
major fire, the over-weight abuser of that system obviously being found guilty
of causing major destruction to his company.
Another, while pretending to celebrate
the appointment of a new “associate” partner of an architectural firm, made
sure that the champagne cork would explode in such a way that it caused a
unsupported bookcase to collapse on the new company member, while the elders
looked at her in passive dismay.
The final, nasty Hartford add, suggested
that this strange warehouse needed to ship a painting to a law firm. The
painting, evidently had the eyes removed, so that some poor litigant was
terrified by seeing “real” eyes—presumably those of the head lawyer—move behind
the portrait, sending him, quite illogically, into shock and an entire physical
breakdown, which the secretary simply mocks.
What, one has to ask, was the purposes of
these really unlikeable adds, and what were they saying about Hartford’s
ability to insure one against the accidents they might face? And was Hartford,
after all, responsible for these “accidents?”
I
might certainly never seek Hartford insurance to protect me, since they,
themselves, were evidently, the criminals in these three advertised events!
mister peanut
The formerly
loveable Mr. Peanut is seen, as a motivational speaker, lecturing a college
class of young slackers, arguing that he, unlike their own colleagues, will
never let them down, helping them to function better every day, even while they
sleep, while they, in stupid agreement, shake their heads in mindless
confirmation. If these new millennials are the spokespeople for Mr. Peanut,
forget it! The witty bon vivant has
become simply a bad university lecturer, and I want nothing to do with his
salty assertions.
mister peanut
In
yet another transformation of the character of “Mister Peanut” the lovely “nut”
turned quite nasty in his hostile reaction again the apparently hostile
“Nutcracker,” who, at the last year’s event, evidently tried to take a bite out
of him. This year, at what one gathers is an annual celebration, the formerly
loveable monocled dandy, turns on his nemesis, demanding his ouster from the
event. No peanuts in my New Year’s platters, I assure you. They bite!
gieco insurance
The
incredible successful and chipper pitchwoman Flo, has now evidently been asked
to turn down her “emotional excitement,” and pretends to be a kind of “goth”
figure, without presenting any of her normal irrepressible personality. She,
quite boringly attempts to do so, only becoming momentarily excited by one of
the company’s claims before moving back into her bland non-commitment. What are
we supposed to believe? That she cares or no longer is committed to her
product? Should we take this insurance company seriously or simply dismiss them
as not committing to their own previous statements?
Los Angeles,
February 4, 2017
